That age old debate, to be a stay at home mom or go back to work.  I recently came across a poll on a pregnancy website.  The question: Will you go back to work after the baby is born?  One of the options was ‘Yes!  I would get bored’ while at the other end was ‘I can’t afford to leave my job’.  I would venture to say those at the latter end would choose to stay home if they could.  It is amazing how many things can be cut from the budget to accomplish this (also, figure in crazy daycare costs).  It does take some sacrifice (what part of motherhood doesn’t?).  If it is important to your family, you CAN do it!  Our family certainly has for the last 7 1/2 years and we make below the average income for our area.  The following ideas are ones we use.  If you have some (other than coupon clipping because my bored meter goes through the roof), please share!

Here are some ideas:

- Become a one car family ( we were one for 7 years until recently).  Add up the cost of gas to and from work, insurance, up keep i.e oil changes, car payments, etc for that second car.  Also, the money you could make if you sell it.

-Cut back on cable.  I know what you are saying; WHAT?!  I WILL MISS _______(fill in the show)!!  There is netflix and the vast world of online viewing (fancast.com for example).  Trust me when I say, I don’t miss it much.  I find myself much more productive.

-Eat at home more.  What a gift to your kids to eat together with them in a calm setting where you don’t have to worry about how long they can be entertained.  Also, they can become more involved in the cooking process and possibly eat healthier because they get to help pick and and prepare the ingredients.

-Plan meals.  This is such a saver because you aren’t making those last minute trips to the grocery store for one item while coming out with a few bags full.

-Make your own coffee.  Not only cheaper but healthier because you control what goes in.  You can even get a variety of sugar free syrups.

-Buy children’s clothes second hand and shop Craigslist (it’s amazing what people sell and the deals!).

-Remember we want to raise well adjusted kids, so having all the latest and greatest isn’t the best for them anyways.  Teach them how to save and earn things they really want.  They will appreciate what they DO have more and will more likely be givers.

-Start a garden and plant those foods that are a little more spendy like blueberries and tomatoes.  It’s a perfect way for your kids to have an appreciation for healthy food and they understand where food comes from.  If they are a little older, perfect weed pickers (and a great way to earn some extra money)!

-Did you know that many generic items have the same ingredients as the name brand?  Want an amazing example?  We need seasonal allergy medicine in our house.  The name brand was almost $21, the generic brand (with the same ingredients and dosage amount) almost $6!

-If you have a gaming system, find some friends with the same one and trade games.

-Go to your local library and search out book on the subject of money/budgets to become an expert on your personal circumstances and goals.

Above all, remember your kids spell love T-I-M-E.  They won’t say you were the greatest because you gave them everything, they will say you are the greatest because of how many kisses, hugs, and games you played with them. When you start looking for creative ways to live a full, frugal life, they will find you! I promise because we are proof.

There are a few things I wish I knew then that I know now.  This is one of them.  I often wonder what her life would have been like.  What is “this” you ask?  The value of breastfeeding and where to go for support.

See, the journey with our little girl began quit rocky.  About 10 hours after her birth she was whisked to the NICU in a flurry of activity and we were left with no explanation other than that she was very sick and needed immediate care.  This chaos became our lives for her first year.  I had successfully breastfed our first child and thought round two would be cake also.  Because she was in the NICU, our bonding was interrupted and breastfeeding was a rough road.  I struggled for 2 weeks to breastfeed her exclusively after we came home.  This little child whom I was supposed to love and care for had me so flustered I wanted to give her back.  Yes, you did hear me right, I didn’t want her anymore.  I then felt guilty for feeling this way (a whole different journey).  After two weeks I called a friend beside myself with tears streaming down my weary face.  She encouraged me to buy some formula and give up breastfeeding because it had me so stressed.  I did.  I didn’t reach out for professional help (such as a lactation consultant), I did no research, nothing (I am ashamed to say).   This choice of formula created many more problems looking back in retrospect (20/20 always seem so clear, huh?).  To make a long journey short so you don’t get bored by the details, she ended on Nutramagin (a hypoallergenic formula) and we tried every medicine and technique to help with her projectile vomit to no avail.  She still has eczema, is the one who gets the most colds that last the longest, has digestion issues, and my only child to have enviromental allergies.  Granted, this poor baby had 3 blood transfusions and numerous tests/scans which we are sure compromised her little system, then not being breastfeed I am certain contributed to her current health.

Photo by Mike.HanlonLooking back, I wish I had sought more support from someone who was trained in postpartum issues and breastfeeding support, such as a postpartum doula or lactation consultant.  Knowledge is power and through my training to become a postpartum doula I have gained the knowledge that would have helped me back then.  I truly believe that first year would have been a more enjoyable time for the whole family.

I do not judge those who exclusively use formula.  I feel sad because I know they just don’t have the knowledge and are robbing themselves of such an amazing opportunity.  Did you know that breastfeeding causes the brain to release happy chemicals into your body?

Here are some amazing, evidence-based facts about breastfeeding that you may not have known(if you want the sources, let me know):

• There is less waste product produced from human milk i.e easier diaper changes.  In my experience, less, shall I say, pungent too.
• Zinc and iron are more effectively absorbed from human milk than from formula milk
• Breastmilk conforms to the needs of your baby.  A cold running through your house?  Your breastmilk will pump up the antibodies to help out babies little body.
• If your baby is premature, your breastmilk will have a makeup similar to colostrum for up to a month in contrast to a full term baby which is a couple days.
• Human milk has a laxative effect, while formula milk can cause constipation.
• Formula  fed babies have an increased risk for allergies and allergy related conditions such as eczema.
• Formula increases the sensitivity to infections which can result in the dreaded diarrhea.  Again, another practical easier diaper experience:).
• Babies weaned before 1 or formula fed have a higher risk of speech-language disorders.
• Diabetic mothers who breastfeed are more likely to need less insulin.
• Your belly shrinks quicker and you can zip up those jeans faster postpartum.
• The risk of osteoporosis goes up for mother and child when formula is used.

These are just SOME of the benefits for mom and baby.  Amazing, huh?  According to a Parent’s Network poll in American Baby, 32% of first time moms plan to use a lactation consultant, while 57% actually hire one.  If you are a first time mom or have had previously had breastfeeding difficulties, search out local lactation support before you birth so you are prepared if breastfeeding becomes a bumpy road.  Remember the portrayal of establishing  breastfeeding being this natural and easy process is just that a portrayal and not always reality.  Sometimes your body isn’t compatible with breastfeeding.  These instances are very few and very far between.  Most of us just need a little expertise to get us going.

To start you on your search:

• LaLeche League
• International Lactation Consultant Association
• Check your local hospitals
• Kelly Mom
• Search google or bing using lactation consultant or postpartum doula along with your city and/or state
• Ask other moms you know
• Find local support groups and check them out before you birth
• Near Portland or Salem? contact us.  Near Newberg or McMinville?  contact Laura Dunn
• Ask your Childbirth Educator

Those ideas should start you on your way to finding help locally.  I wish you all success in this amazing journey of bonding with your baby.  If you are local

I HAVE gone on since to successfully breastfeed two more children.  You can be successful too if that is your goal!

The birth world is all a twitter right now.  One of our roles as a doula is to provide evidence-based information to our clients when they have questions or concerns.  We (at least all the ones I have come in contact with) believe a woman’s body was made to birth a baby and only under special circumstances is a cesarean surgery needed.  Most of the time, the surgery is preformed because of lack of information to the pregnant mama.  If she knows the risk and benefits of her options, she is more likely to have a vaginal birth.  There are so many benefits to mama and baby after a vaginal birth versus a cesarean surgery.

ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) just released an update on their stance about VBAC’s (vaginal birth after cesarean).  They now say “Attempting a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) is a safe and appropriate choice for most women who have had a prior cesarean delivery, including for some women who have had two previous cesareans…“.  Now the leading source of information doctors trust is on board with what studies have proven.  This is certainly a step in the right direction back to what birth should be, an empowering, joyous, natural experience.  Here is the full press release if you would like to read it.

The one aspect that has always concerned doctors is uterine rupture at the previous incision site.  While the risk is there, it is low.  Henci Goer (a leader in the birthing world) wrote a great article posted on iVillage about the facts of a VBAC from an evidence based view point.  This is what she had to say about uterine rupture:

Symptomatic scar separation: The main fear with labor after a cesarean is that the scar will open enough to cause bleeding or for the umbilical cord or the baby to pass through the opening. Among thirty studies totaling 56,300 VBACs, the rate of symptomatic scar separation was 4 per 1,000 (15,30). Even so, few instances where this occurs result in harm to the baby, which is the real issue. The perinatal mortality rate (stillbirths and newborn deaths together) from this cause was 3 per 10,000. This did not differ from the perinatal mortality rate of 2 per 10,000 in 29,900 planned cesareans. Nor does planning a cesarean eliminate the risk of the scar giving way. Several large studies reported scar separation rates ranging from 2 to 3 per 1,000 with repeat cesarean, not much less than the 4 to 6 per 1,000 reported in VBAC labors (17,21,30).

Now, the next step is preventing the need for a VBAC in the first place.  The more we speak up and are informed, the quicker we can create change.  Birth is natural and normal, not a condition to be treated.

Here is a copy of an email I received from a colleague.  I believe we must use evidence based care and not just believe what people tell us (yes, even doctors).  She tried to find studies and couldn’t so she is conducting her own.  She is looking for Muslim women who are breastfeeding to help with a study…..if that’s you or someone you know, keep reading:

Anyone interested in joining a study on nursing while fasting please

keep reading….!!!

I saw the topic of fasting while nursing came up and when I was
approaching my first Ramadan as a nursing mommy, I (coming from a
science/medical background) decided to see if there were any research
studies on the topic. I found just one study looking at Muslim women
and it only studied, I think, 12 women. Anyhow, every year the topic
comes up and mommies look to other mommies for advice and it usually
goes both ways….some mommies saying it makes milk supply go down,
others saying they were able to do it just fine. So this year I am
working on studying the topic myself. I am still working out the
details of the study but I just realized how quickly Ramadan is
approaching so I need to get the word out ASAP so that I can get as
many people to participate as possible. The study will be looking at
a number of different factors and try to see which, if any, help to
determine which women will be able to fast while nursing and which
women will have troubles with milk supply or not be able to fast for
other reasons.

At this point, the minimum I need is anyone that is breastfeeding that
is willing to try fasting and do some record-keeping (ie food eaten
each day, # of ounces of fluid taken each day). I may also need a pre
and post-Ramadan baby weight check. So if anyone is interested (and
please please pass this around to all women, all around the world
even) please email me at saadiap@gmail.com

At this point, I would like to exclude women who are also pregnant,
and women who are already experiencing milk supply problems, and
women who are increasingly using formula (since the milk supply may
already be going down due to formula use). Once I get an interest
list, I will email out the specifics.

Please make dua that this is a successful study and helps us to answer
the age old question of whether fasting while nursinng will decrease
milk supply!

And again…please pass this on to every nursing mommy you know!

Jazak’Allahu khayran,

Saadia

Another reason to seek the services of a birth doula to help avoid an epidural and why I am an aspiring herbalist.  One of the speakers at the Autism One Conference, Elaine DeLack, RN spoke on her hypothesis of the originating cause of autism.  One of the causes she believes is an epidural with pitocen during childbirth.  She theorizes this causes a change in the baby’s brain chemistry which later manifests itself during the natural changes of the child’s brain.  Here is an article explaining this more in depth.

Here is the synopsis of her lecture from the Autism One website:

“This presentation will explain how the metabolic imbalances, gastric problems, and core symptoms of autism may be the result of a malfunction of the mitochondrial enzyme, MAO-A. The presentation will discuss how stress, genetics, epidurals with Pitocin (oxytocin) augmentation during childbirth, toxins such as mercury, aluminum, high copper and cadmium are possible risk factors contributing to the overall symptoms resulting from the MAO-A deficiency. This science provides the rationale unifying the benefits seen from various therapies such as the gluten-free and casein-free diet, hyperbaric oxygen, methylcobalamin and Respen-A.”

I find this very fascinating and hope to see more concrete research in the near future.  Maybe this is the breakthrough that is needed to really understand this mysterious diagnosis and help families before their child starts showing signs.

As women we have fought for choice, we have fought for options with our lives, and we have fought for our voice to be heard.  What happened with childbirth?  It seems we have gone backwards.  We accept what the doctor says without exploring all our options, we suffer good patient syndrome,  and we lay on our backs to push because that’s what everyone else does.  It is time we take back our power over childbirth.  We are women of strength, and we are amazing! We need to give ourselves more credit! You really CAN do it with no epidural, I promise.

It saddens me that our c-section rate is going up and women don’t get that amazing pride of pushing out their baby. We have fought for the right to choice.  We so easily give up that choice to our care provider.  We have fought for options, however, we don’t explore them when it comes to having a baby.  If you are pregnant, research all of your options.   If your doctor tells you something and it doesn’t make sense, ask why.  If the doctor is concerned about something, go home,  do some research about it (unless of course it is life threatening to you or your baby), and find other women who have had the same experience.

For birth, the easiest way is to hire a doula.  If you can’t or don’t want to, do some research on different positions to labor and push in. The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin is well worth the investment!  If there is one book to get for pregnancy, find this one.  It’s a great conversation starter for your partner to help prepare him too. When you are in the midst of labor, you are more emotional and less analytical. Make sure you have a simple birth plan so the staff knows your wishes. Discuss your wishes with those who will be in the birthing room so they can speak up for you if need be and if there is a complication, they can rationally help you think through it.

Here is a post I did awhile back about advocating for yourself

Remember, if you choose a natural birth, when you start asking for drugs, you are in transition and pushing will commence shortly so hold on because you are almost there.